Empathic Distress

Is there any sadder part of being a human than having to google my own feeling? 

Yesterday I was unexpectedly overwhelmed by my friend's breakup story to the point I told him "Now I gotta sleep with a broken heart that is not mine".
However when I woke up, the feeling still lingered like the smell of cigar on your hair after leaving a bar. Any distraction was done only to welcome the unwanted feeling again. It's already strange enough for me to ever have empathy for other people. Usually people who trusted me (it might not go both ways) approached, they cried (possible) - I waited - they told me the stories - I listened - they cried again (possible) - I waited - they asked me what I thought - and me listing down the facts with pros/cons as the recommended solution - left them to choose. It's just the basic drill. No emotion involved. Most of the time, I just did not care (they know this, and that's what they expect from me). But this time, I felt like being sucked into the darkness, the kind of darkness that turned off all the senses yet ignited all the feelings inside. It's undefined, unfamiliar reaction of my body that I had no idea how to deal with. For half the day, I was trying to torture my senses with prolonged physical exercise where I bent my body to the point it was most painful, audio and visual inputs, and other sensing activities just to figure out what was real. Like those people who pinched themselves to know they're not dreaming. I started to question myself whether the feeling was due to sympathetic response or traumatic. As I recalled, I did not have such breakup story, but why did it seem relevant? How could I experience that feeling?

Ok, I just found out the thing I was experiencing is called as empathic distress, which is what possibly happens when one is trying to feel the suffering of other people. Unfortunately, instead of giving the appropriate support, I have this very poor emotional administration which causes me vibrating negative response when people share their suffering to me (as if I were the one suffering). I'm aware that I'm a retard emotionally, because I tend to ignore or even detach my feeling in order to utilize my rational thinking. Ignoring my feeling for a long time, rather than overcoming it, has affected my emotional development. This is the weak part of me I have to work on, because I cannot risk to lose who I am while engaging in social interaction with various people, in any level of intimacy.

To avoid such empathic distress, one solution is to build emotional boundaries. I have to notice when I feel triggered to know whether the feeling is purely mine or adopted. I have to remind myself that when I feel for others, it's not about me. Other than that, the key finding is self-directed neuroplasticity. It suggests that the mind changes the brain to change the mind for the better. Focus on what is good for my well-being, instead of the things that upsets me. While dealing with negative emotion, I have to tell my mind to be more positive and compassionate. It will then strengthen the brain part that relieves the suffering (left prefrontal cortex). As the result after it becomes a habit, I can have empathic concern for other people without having to feel like it's my problem.

Now I have to apologize to that friend for having a moment when it was the time for him to have his own. I guess I did not realize I cared too much that whatever the pain he felt, it became mine. I also was not aware that I've subconsciously had this connection with him which enabled me to experience such empathic response that I had never felt before for other people. It was only unfortunate that due to my underdeveloped emotional handling, I failed to give him the support he needed. Well at least I do not have to google up to know that I feel guilty.

Dear Rmagdn, I beg for your forgiveness for my inability to be the one you needed.
This event made me realize I have a lot of things to learn about interpersonal skill and developing the emotional part of me in a healthier way. Apparently, I forgot my own principle that kindness for others is unconditional. Thus, I should have never thrown you my burnout while you were being honest with me about your struggle. I'm sorry.

-Stardust

Superhero and Supercliché (Review on Gotham TV series)

Where do I begin here?

I am not really a person who posted a review of movie or series I just watched, but yes I do always have more than a word “Great!” or “Subhanallah!” as response. I have watched various series like Heroes, Fringe, Medium, Marvel’s Agent, Psych, The River (2012), Cristela, Franklin & Bash, True Detective, Grey’s Anatomy, Charmed, Whitney, Modern Family, The Neighbors, and many more. Never for once I felt the urge to write the review for those. Wait, since I have mentioned them I just realized perhaps I should have done that. Whatever, let’s back to my point. I am not implying that those are kind of blasé or less entertaining, but I have more convincing reasons for expressing the things pop up in my head about this Gotham series. Especially for this episode 7 Penguin’s Umbrella, it really hit the spot.

1. I do not care about argue on which published story is better between DC Comics and Marvels, but from the existing realm of Superheroes, only Batman that makes sense to me. I like the characters, the background story, and the logic that becomes the foundation of the whole story: A city namely Gotham that has its people living under the breath of organized crimes, corrupt societal system, injustice that drives high number of crimes, and the balancing battle between good and evil represented by the characters such as Gordon, Bruce, Riddler, Penguin, Bullock, Joker, and others. Batman/Bruce is perceivable for a Superhero. He has money to access information, high-level figures, technology, and ultimately he has strong background that makes him able to do the change.
For these reasons, I watched Gotham, and that had not disappointed me until I met BARBARA KEAN who becomes my #2 point.

2. This point is to explain the thing that does not make sense to me, yet. Boobra, sorry, Barbara was perhaps meant to be an eye candy for this series. I did not notice the prominence of her role on the Batman movies, but somewhat on Gotham she is there to fill the story as influential person in Gordon’s life. It really bothers me to witness Barbara as a woman that is so typical in mostly Western movies/series. She is portrayed as a lover who is sexy, beautiful, nice for eyes, but so much stupid in love that she always does stupid thing and jeopardizes Gordon’s life and his career. She works in art business; typically what beautiful and high-class woman does for a living. I am terribly disappointed. I do not hate any Barbara Kean, but I hate the fact how Gotham’s story writer has chosen to portray her that way. I suspected that as I saw her the first time she stupidly called media telling about discreet information right after Gordon just told her that his boss ordered him not to reveal it to public. She said what to Gordon? “But that’s the right thing to do!”. Such a naïve head you got there Barbara! What a lovely lady! Here I list her stupidity:

-    On the occasion of whether Gordon shot Penguin dead or not, she said to Gordon she hated that he hid things from her. Come on, judging from the previous thing happened when she called media about secret work stuff, why on hell Gordon would open up to her? Logic, Boobra? Funnily, she said it realizing that she was also had not told Gordon about her past lesbian relationship. What a funny Boobra. Gordon would not give out any information that had potential to risk his beloved woman. Don’t you get it, Boobra? Professionally speaking, even to partner/spouse, secret information about work stays secret.  That is what exactly is expected from a man of reliability and trustworthy. What, Boobra? Do you want the man you love to lose his job because he is disseminating confidential subject? Just because he is honest, does not mean he can share such information. Don’t you both have something more interesting than talking about work that even Gordon does not want to discuss? I mean, Barbara, what is it in Gordon that makes you fall for him? That has to be more profound reason than his work, right?

-    After the breaking revelation that Gordon apparently did not shoot Penguin, Boobra insisted to stay with Gordon. What a stupid act of affection. The man was trying to protect her that he even was willing to let her apart from him, but the woman wanted to stay for what? So she could be an additional burden to Gordon? This act of love by Barbara does not make sense to me. It never does. This is a pattern of differences between how man and woman would do out of love that I frequently find in movies. Why do story writers often put them such in opposite natures? Haven’t we got through it yet? This is 2015 already. Not all women do things based on affection. We, women, can calculate too.  This is bothering me. I mean, If I am in Barbara situation, yes, yes, I will go to faraway country, staying for a week in remote city, picking apples or oranges for pretext, and then move to other remote city to avoid being a collateral damage on Gordon’s behalf. That will I do because I, presumably, love Gordon so much I cannot let myself get on his way while he is fighting evil.

But that’s me; maybe that’s why I never have a boyfriend in the first place.

What the heaven were you doing there, Barbara?

-    There is one scene that made me cry, not because the story is sad, but because how stupid it is. It is from Episode 7, when Gordon and Bullock had already had the Mayor and Falcon on their grasp. It is a few seconds away from bringing them to prison or shooting them dead for resistance. Falcon then said that he had Barbara for his leverage. Damn! Barbara is really moronic. Can the writer try to challenge himself to continue the story without involvement of female stupidity or whatever love has to do with it? I mean, she apparently came back from wherever she was hiding pleading Falcon’s mercy to spare Gordon’s life. I mean, hello? Isn’t that the stupidest thing she could do for the man she loves? In my eyes, she was only sabotaging Gordon’s plan to bring the villains down. What a waste. 

But that’s just me. That’s probably why I never have boyfriend since I was born. I have lack of a beauty and less stupid.

The unfair thing is Falcon then told Gordon that he was lucky to have Barbara as a brave woman. Bravery? Is it what her action called? I see it as sabotage and foolishness. Not only is it the act of recklessness, but also futility. At the end of episode, it was revealed that actually Penguin that plotted with Falcon to spare Gordon’s life. So how is it, Barbara?

Barbara finally gets her wit to regret things she did.

-    Referring to my aforementioned point, Barbara cried saying sorry for what she did to Gordon. Yes, regret is a good start, lady. But it is unfair that she still got a kiss from Gordon. This is probably to exhibit how much Gordon loves her. But that does not make sense either. Which part of Barbara that is appealing enough to make her his girlfriend? Oh well, I recall from second episode when Bullock told Gordon “You gotta learn to control your woman” regarding the leak of discreet information to media. As response to that statement Gordon said  “I kinda like her the way she is”. Perhaps, it is true that man likes woman who is beautiful (of course) but rather stupid, impulsive, reckless, and stupid. Did I just mention stupid twice? Yeah, double stupid. 

    But that’s just me, maybe that’s why… oops enough with self pity.

The crux is, apart from the story about superheroes, Gotham has failed to serve new point of view on how influential the role of women in protagonist’s side. Barbara is just like another cliché from among three weaknesses of men (woman, power, and money) that makes everything that went well now gone wrong. Based on the Batman movies, I like how Cat Woman is represented. Unlike Bruce’s previous girlfriend Rachel Dawes, Selina Kyle was portrayed as witty, intelligent, intuitive, and quick-witted. I mean, the first quality I notice from her is not merely physical beauty. I really hope in Gotham, the writer decides to present Selina Kyle with more focus on her quality other than her beauty. We have enough Barbara for eye candy. We have enough of female cliché. No, not every twist in life is started by woman.  

Do His Shoes Fit Her Walking?

It does not matter which party has power over other party. 

It does not even matter whether the reign is in the hand of female or male,

but abusing the power in the form of discrimination does matter.

If we can end this, hold on...would it even be possible?

Well, let your level of intelligence and morality decide for you on how you interpret this short video.

Video Source

Math

As a graduate from social study, I see math helps us to understand not only numbers, but also equation, elimination, substitution, and things such as irrational, integral, and derivative, to either prove a statement or find the solution.
Just like life events, humans are prone to search for balance and justice, through elimination or substitution of things in aiming for a certain equal state.
We are given problems to choose the correct solution so that it forms an equation.
One thing I cannot (yet) find is that math does not regard any competition.
If it is known that x+4=6, the needed answer is always 2. Although you put bigger or smaller number, it will not be justified.
Math is a humble science that teaches us modesty and efficacy, two things are scarce nowadays amidst the drama of life around gold, glitter, and gospel.

Monograph on The Hegemony of (Ph)allacy

As the saying goes, violence toward a woman begins when the doctor says “Congratulation, you got a baby girl”

Conventional demographic administration categorizes human species in a dichotomy set of sex type, male and female. This dichotomy is used to attribute norms, expectation, and even more regulation. It eventually brings this world like now: lace doll for girl and army figure for boy. Woman is expected to present herself in a graceful and non-violent way, while a man is understood for behaving like what a man is supposed to be, that is placid and ferocious enough, not to confuse with the gracefulness of woman (or other might perceive him as a gay). Take a look at the commercials for perfume, cars, cigars, and oh gosh do not forget those popular Hollywood movies. How woman and man are described publicly, mostly through media, will definitely build a certain consensual opinion about what they are supposed and expected to do. This gives birth to the filter of personal interest based on the consensual norms. A girl might have a huge interest on aviation engineering, but it is likely her family would disagree as it is considered as a man’s toy. Now we know that one soul has just been taken down.

The more significant contribution comes from political sphere. We are in the middle of what can be perceived as the Phallic Reign. Since the human population grows massively, people start having the need to entrust their civil rights to a licit entity, in the form of government or people’s representative, to manage the entire community system including the laws, education, economy, health, and other societal matter. It is the reality we need to concern that despite the conventional administration has already applied this sexual dichotomy, the political system rarely considers the ratio of woman and man on the reign per se. If government really is the people’s representative, how that explains and is accounted for the possible discrepancy between women’s interest and men’s interest being accommodated? That might as well explain the reason behind hundreds of local legislation in Indonesia that discriminate women, specifically, ranging from prohibition of a woman being in public area at night, prohibition of women sitting astride on motorcycle, and other preposterous clauses, certainly arranged by those who were born with penis. Sex-based regulation indicates the presence of unequal degree between woman and man, in this case, man is assumed to have power over woman until today.

Make it concise this way: since the acclaimed crown is on the phallus, he begins to ensure that the reign will never be dethroned. From the perspective between the scrotums, woman as non-phallic constitution is perceived as the object that needs to be made regulation to control the possible unwanted occurrence leading to heresy. Woman’s life is now defined, regulated, and incriminated. Woman is always one point less than man for being non-phallic. Phallically speaking, it takes a penis to possess the real freedom of life.

As they are talking about rape, the saying goes like this: it is not the intention that leads to crime, but the presence of opportunity

The rape incident rate might be various across different nations with their own cultures. However, high or low incident rate number of rape will not change the fact that rape factually exists. Especially rape toward women, the incident has been experienced by women from varying ages, baby to granny, different races, and different social background. Look around you pertaining to this phenomenon, isn’t that disturbing? Under the Phallic Reign, woman is the victim, not only by political manner, but also by being physically attacked and bearing the dishonor.

There are too many forms of violence against women. Sexual abuse is the blatant discord symbol of man toward a woman. Woman is raped or sexually dishonored because she is a woman (non-phallic) and perceived as an object. He attacks the very special female organ that is distinctive. Several views try to explain about rape, such as the relation of superordinate-subordinate, control and authority, and others like religion and cultural approaches. In reality, each time rape occurs, not a few people see rape as merely the result of negligent conduct by the rape victim herself for dressing too seducing or letting him (the perpetrator) catch the opportunity to do so. Indonesia has several online news media that occasionally report a rape case. Read the public comment below the article and you will understand what commoners deduce on this matter. Let me put how common reaction toward rape this way: a woman was raped and yet, it is her mistake for making man rape her by dressing with what is available at the local store.

Man has been long forgotten in the discourse of violence against woman whether it is domestic rape or rape by stranger, while in fact man is the perpetrator who should be the main matter, the bull-eye target. This information distortion results in victim blaming like “Why did she wear that revealing dress?” or “Why didn’t she fight back?” or “Why did she have to get drunk?” or other why-did-she-do-that kind of question, and ridiculously, the main role of man as the perpetrator is gone with the wind like Macarena song, amidst the victim blaming feast.

Similar reaction is often found in property crime, when friends lost their wallets in public bus for example. They heard thing like this “Why didn’t you keep your wallet inside your bag and hold it tight?” and “Oh poor you. Next time don’t use public transportation. Bad people are ubiquitous”. Reaction toward property crime is also victim blaming. They suggest their friends avoiding to do something that is not even a crime. Is taking public bus a crime? Is using your pocket to keep your wallet is a crime? I thought stealing was the crime, so why don’t they remind the neighborhood to stop taking other’s belonging without permission? For other situation in the field of property security, such suggestion might be useful. A way to prevent a crime through environmental design is called as target hardening. If the environmental design has missed to harden the weak spot (opportunity), theft (crime) might occur. But viewing rape toward woman as property crime only accentuates the object status of woman. There is a missing link here regarding the Phallic Sovereignty: If in the first place woman is viewed as object and regulation is made to control non-phallic creature, so who owns the proprietary? Who should feel the loss of woman being raped? Who is that loser? 

Consequently, the loser is them who were born with penis. They failed to create secure environment that can prevent rape. Please be reminded, woman cannot be perceived as property/object and therefore, victim blaming on rape cases is not applicable in any way. The blame is always on the perpetrator. Wearing clothes is never a crime. If wearing a certain type of clothes is considered as seducing to then seen as a crime, banning the store to sell products like that might be highly advised as the solution to prevent rape. Please be reminded, but to rape is wrong and that is the crime.

For rape is the crime, instead of judging the rape victim for wearing such revealing clothes or with other blaming statement, it is the time for people to start questioning the perpetrator himself with: why did you rape? Why couldn’t you control yourself, strong man? Why didn’t you keep your sight?

For rape is the crime, instead of only telling unmarried woman to keep her virginity, to restrict the curfew, and to dress with solid clothes, it is the time to realize people the need to teach their sons and nephews to keep their sight politely, to avoid thinking heinously about woman, and to treat woman respectfully, because she has a bless to bear a life and deliver it into this world. 

For sex organ is naturally given not chosen, for human is equipped with intelligence, thus being a woman is never a curse. Discrimination is the crime that we, phallic or non-phallic creature, should together fight, because violence toward woman is violence toward humankind. 

The Last Curtsey for Farida Oetoyo

Young Ibu Farij (image retrieved from other blogspot user)

1939-2014

May she RIP, Valar Morghulis.

Today I lost my greatest ballet teacher, Farida Oetoyo, who was also the most senior Indonesian Ballerina and founder of Sumber Cipta Ballet School. 

She departed from this life by having left her huge contribution in ballet and other cultural artwork for Indonesia.

Even in her elder life, she still came to teach young kids and beginners, while sometimes telling us her nostalgic stories. 

Ibu Farij was undeniably strict, discipline, yet creative and open-minded. 

Once I had a brief conversation with her when she asked me my major study in Criminology. 

I never imagined before that a senior Ballerina like her had concern on humanity and laws.

With ballet, she trained us to focus and have firm control over the mind and body.

With her forte in teaching, she taught us to believe in ourselves that goal can be achieved by strong will and never giving up on trying.

Ibu Farij, here I salute you for the last time:

port de bras, step aside for plie, and curtsey.

How Does the Moon Affect Us?

The various stories of the moon have been known for a long time even more in ancient civilization, you name them. Below here is what I savvy and concern in regard to the moon:
Gravitational field of the moon has effect on the sea level | 
The tide will arise as the moon gets closer to the earth | 
Human body consists at least 50% water | 
Character/mood changing is found especially in people with water element on their zodiac (pisces, cancer, scorpio) regarding the moon condition | 
In some traditions, as the full moon appears, non-human creatures will be shape-shifting |
In Muslim's belief, moon condition signifies religious event (lailatul qadr, almanac, fasting month, etc) | 
The closest event of SUPERMOON will be on 23 June 2013 and see what kind of effect it has | 
Moon. Is it naturally constructed or human creation in the past?

Sing for Me, Sing Some More, Sweet Lady

Regardless how human beings of 2013 appreciate the music of humanity, my pure honor goes to these ladies after-mentioned.
Great music, grand vocal, and exquisite interpretation of the art create a dumbfoundedly cozy ambience and soon, tranquility comes to mind.

(From left to right, up and down)

Great song is great, so is the singer. No further specific word to describe how great the song or the singer is.
Beware of the misperception.
You can never smell music, nor read it. The song must be heard.
So please have a seat, take a deep breath, cool off, and listen to these.

Jo Stafford.


Ella Fitzgerald.


Peggy Lee.


Julie London.


Nina Simone.


I grace these ladies a gratitude for filling my life from busy Monday to gloomy Sunday.
With their work of arts, please do have your souls soothed.

The Magic of The Duck King

(Once upon a time....)
It was a spontaneous thing I did on that amazing Wednesday. A friend of mine called me to have a luncheon at (what appeared to be) our favourite Chinese resto, before a huge mouth-watering picture of Chinese noodle with delicious roast duck on the top made me histerically screaming, while holding my fists in the parking lot. 
Literally. Screaming. 
Histerically. 
Whatever. 

We changed our mind. 

"No, we could not wait to have that delicious magic!"
"Hmm, I was so ready to do somersault right to the venue"
"Let's get this car parked among those d*mned parked cars"
"We gotta rush the place soon before the madness came"


THE DUCK KING.

I never thought before that the menu would be so appealing and I would be beckoned easily, like I was gonna do everything to heal my infatuation. 
Oh I did.
I moved the cone so my friend's car can be parked just right on the left side of the way. Let alone the honking car behind that was heading to the left. 
Let alone the parking attendant who was so tired beaten by the hot weather. 
Let alone the "secure" label on the cone. That is a myth.

We have to move you, Cone.

Skip to when finally I met something so alluring my salliva and innocently made me like a fool for understanding what love is by my senses.
These noodles called Mie Samcan Urat Sapi. Add some dried chilli sauce and it tastes like there was no deadline of work report waiting for you at your office desk. No, there wasn't. 

My friend ordered Char Siew Noodle but I did not take the photograph because I was so excited with what my mouth was experiencing.
We both totally and bluntly enjoyed the foods. 
It was what we consider as Heaven on the Earth. 
We could not stop telling each other how we felt when the food touched our tongue.
We were cursing, saying dirty words, and making random statements to express the exceptional combination of spices and amazing texture on the food. 
"Who's the Chef? He really does mean to make me marry him"
"Amazing!"
"Superb!"
"I do wonder how could they make the food so effing delicious?"
"This fried dumpling tastes so wonderful"
"Eat it with mayonaise"
"No, I'd rather add the chilli sauce"

Yea we must have looked idiotic and just like some food dorks, annoying.

"Where's the menu, what else?"
"Oh my God, should we order this?
"That also?"
"Can we just eat them all?"
"Do you want these?"

Finally we second ordered the food and that was for some desserts. My friend could not wait to have fried stuff with durian filling, while I ordered Chinese Herbal pudding with Honey.

The pudding soothed my stomach just fine. It was beautiful and made my mood so great.

I have been to many food venues just to enjoy the ambience and the drinks, mostly. 
I rarely found a place where the foods left a remarkable trail on my senses.
For the first experience having a chance eating at The Duck King, the resto has successfully made me drooled everytime I think about the noodles. 
Everything I received there was all worth the bills.
They taste so wonderful on each spoon-and-fork I put to my mouth. 
That is defiantly the most delicious dishes I've tasted in my life, and remember, that was for the first impression.
Perhaps this looks too much that I was blabbering how amazing, how wonderful, how incredible the foods taste. But they are. 
Scroll up and read "We both totally and BLUNTLY enjoy the foods".
It was strange that hours after the lunch time, My friend and I were still discussing about the foods, and I, was fussy telling it to my colleagues.

I believe, The Duck King is real, and it has some magic on the foods. 
Now I'm under the witchcraft.

Hail The Duck King!

Otherworldly Experience

People may refer what i just experienced on March 6 as Sleep Paralysis, but believe me, I know the difference between SP and SP-like state during sleep. I've experienced some SP episodes before in my lifetime, but this was different.

Approximately, it was 12.43 AM (+7 GMT), I was just trying to sleep, laying on my left side with my blanket covering my body well (because usually i have SP when I dont wear my coverlet well), but then suddenly I felt my conscious was slowly dominated by unknown state like when you do on daydreaming. I got very drowsy, but still awake and had my eyes half opened. Very vulnerable condition. I finally closed my eyes. Then my heart beats went faster, I knew that the SP was beginning like the ones I had before. However, I thought it's strange because I wore my blanket well. Then the voices started like a man talking in a strong voice inside my head but I couldn't understand what he’s saying.

Along with the man’s voice, there’s another voice like a drum in a war movie and electromagnetic sound. The drum sound was in constant speed, but the electromagnetic sound rose and sunk. I kept listening to the sound. My right hand felt like i was holding someone’s finger, a long finger. My right hand at that time was beneath my left side body so the finger might come from the right side of my bed. I tried to let go of my pointing finger from the unknown finger to prove whether its real or my imagination only. But still, my other fingers could feel it while I was removing my pointing finger. I didnt try to move my body because my fast heartbeats prevented me. The strange sound was still there. I started to have a vision of a place, like a room, but only I couldnt make out the complete detail like it’s not fully opened for me to go in. It’s like a bedroom but i cant recognize where it was.

I opened my eyes finally, What’s left was the strange sound. the man’s talking had vanished. I stared at my room. Nothings strange, only above my body there’s like subtle waves that distorted my vision and the constant feeling of extraneous presence. I tried to remember the sound so when I was released I could replicate the sound to find out what that was. I was pretty awake that i could make small movement like moving my finger, toes and my five senses worked out pretty well, but other part of my brain was occupied by unknown state.

I gave in myself to the unknown state. My heartbeat still went fast and the strange sound was still there. I began to scare and forced myself to wake up. After several attempts, I woke up and got really scared like I wouldnt sleep again, but I work in the morning. I don't mean to be dramatic, like a child crying about a monster in the closet. But this time, if you perceive what I experienced is SP, well, this is the most excruciating SP I’ve ever had. I assumed that lasted about 10 minutes and no change on my body except a headache like you have been exposed by radiation from phone or other machine. Well maybe because a friend of mine called me then I got the radiation from my cellphone, I'm not sure.

I am trying to get some simple logic here.

Many scientific explanations try to elaborate the nature of Sleeping Paralysis. For instance, exhausted body and mind cause angst and that affects an individual during the sleep. Almost people at least once in their lifetime have experienced SP.

Initially, you take into account of paranormal phenomenon to explain SP you've just experienced. Then some people, who claim themselves as logical beings (but truthfully, they're merely some primates who received an award for successfully proving the color of banana is yellow, not red, because red is the color of rose), come to distort what you've seen beyond physical thing.

Just because they can not explain a thing with their human senses, that does not mean it is not true. We are not everything, we are not the greatest being. We have very limited capability to grasp the knowledge beyond universe. So why do we have to think that everything that can not be logically explained is a myth or simply an imgination? Isn't that our life entirely on earth an illusion as well?

Well, we never know.

But I know something for sure. Just because human science has not been able yet to give explanation about something and call it metaphysic or paranormal subject, it does not mean the event is less true. I know, we are too primitive and proud to come and perceive it. A myth, is one way to perceive unexplained thing without less believing the truth, where science is to limit one's self by choosing the only thing they want to believe and put aside the other things they're too superficial to understand.

Think about this. One day you have an unusual experience that logic can't explain it, such as seeing a monster or a spiritual being. Just because you found nothing in your school text book, do you think your feeling of fear, anxiety, and shock is not true?

Well, some scientific explanation are able to describe in scientific way about formerly called as myth or cultural misinterpretation.

But answer this to yourself: Don't you think you still have that question on mind? The one that even the most scientific method can't suffice it.

Otherworldly experience.

Not FAQ, but EAQ (Eternally Asked Questions)

What is the use of having a faith in a religion, if we hurt each other, the creations of our Creator ? If we believe in God, we must believe that our God creates whatever around us in this universe. So why would we hurt each other? Why do we put hatred on someone? Is that how we worship God?

What is the use of defending the religion by doing war, dispersing the anymosity? Isn't that what the angels worried about, that human would only destroy and make war, by the time God was planning to create human beings to live on earth? If God is the Almighty, then God is not about the good only, as the bad could be God's opposite. We know, if God is The Almighty, nothing goes opposite to God. The Oneness. God is beyond positive and minus.

If only what's left to go into The Light is our spirit, would we concern about our favourite foods and beautiful sexual partner? The idea of heaven and hell would be too human. Craving, painful, blissful, desperate, and other adjectives are human. So where's the divine feelings? Will it be only the feeling of hunger, that we want to eat anything we like in Heaven? Will it be only the feeling of pain, that we receive from the punishment in Hell, the pain of being burnt? What's it all about? What's life all about? Who are we and why are we human?

Anyway, have u ever felt empty somewhere, inside? That's exactly what defines us! Emptiness. We are mortal, we're empty jar given illusion of amount. We think we are busy with homework, drama, politics, looking for a love, or simply busy with cleaning the dishes. But we are empty. This life is only an illusion since life is mundane.

How could those teachers at school never teach us about the illusion of life?

The ephemeral beats of heart, the temporal duty for our lungs to pump, for our brains to think, and for me, to breath. The illusion of being human.

Where are we heading to?

A Little Credo for The Rhapsody of Life

Perfection is the scariest thing in this world. I won’t let that happen.
If the perfect life came, then what would happen at that time was an emptiness.
No will.no desire.no aim.no existence.

Where numbers come to nought.
Even no one can extrapolate whether the nought is left alone or just never be there.
Believe me. This world was created not to welcome the perfection.
Perfection should be avoided. BALANCE is what we need.
Pro and con. Life and death. Evil and good. Up and down.Rich and poor. Bliss and misery. Friendly and reserved.
All been created to keep the scale on the center position. Get the consequence of left and right. There will be always the center. The center is what we want eventually, the answer for all actions. The place where the justness is found. The fettle where two axes work together to get one thing. Getting the aims.
Perfection
Perfection
Perfection
Perfection means the death. Even worse. When it came, even someone couldn’t breath. Not
inasmuch as the incapability, the human just doesn’t want to. No desire, rite?No aim.No purpose to live. Perfection came when the dream has been achieved. No dream was left wanted.
No dream, no life.
But what is it that we see as perfection?

(Friday, May 29, 2009 at 5:31pm)

Clouds Across The Moon

Now, when I look at the clouds across the moon here at the night, I just hope and pray that soon, baby, you'll hurry home to me :)

If you are for me, then you are

You will come home to me, tomorrow, next year, or maybe in the next life.

I am too good for you now and you know it.

Good bye, I'll try again next year.

Good bye :)

Sunday Lesson

Never ruin a good song with bad reminiscences.

Someday, In Santorini

I'm gonna tell you a story.

Waking up in the late morning on the bed with small floral patterned sheets and coverlet inside a cozy room in a small house between warm sunray and chill blue sea on the mountains, she looked at her window, smelling the air of Greece.

Looking blue and white. Ready to open the shop. No need to take a bath. As usual.

Thera.

A beautiful divine island. The most beautiful one, the used-to-be-called, Kalliste.

Living on that a person who's longing to find serenity, somewhere, someday, in solitude.

Owning a cozy small home with a balcony to scrupulously enjoy the scenery of the vast sky and the wide blue sea, she enjoyed feeling chilled by the ocean air.

Tranquility.

As the sun shone at its very level, she was painting her feeling with colors on her patio at the back of her house. Suddenly came the thought : "What's for lunch?"

Hmm, she's thinking about egg foo yung, or fried chicken in lemon and honey sauce with waffles?

"Buttered Broccoli and Asparagus with Mashed Potato" her fridge answered.

She's so thankful. Abundant olive oil and peppers!

It's 3 in the afternoon, could not help herself to take her camera, walking through the neighborhood that led her to the hill, capturing the reality and waiting until the sun hid and swallowed by the sea as the stars were starting to show up.

Twilight.

At night, sipping peppermint tea from a big white mug with some preserved citrus fruits, she was sitting comfortably on a soft couch and updating her twitter from her phone:

"I run a blissful handy craft shop at my house. I do photography. I'm celibate and live in Santorini. Which beauty could I deny?".

Smooth jazz songs with sax, piano, guitar, and bass were surrounding her from her stereo in the living room, heard up to the balcony.

Diana Krall came to sing "Corcovado" from the playlist. "Quiet nights of quiet stars. Quiet chords from my guitar..."

She'd really like to grab her guitar, but too lazy to get up. She lit the match, smoking her cigar. "Cliche" she said.

The song went on...

"Quiet thoughts and quiet dreams. Quiet walks by quiet streams, and the window looking on the mountains and the sea how lovely. This is where i want to be. Here with you so close to me, until the final flicker of life's ember..."

There's no urge for another drama she thought.

People come and go then come again in remorse.

Tho the feeling might stay, why not enjoying the affair with the universe alone without any hope and sadness, she added. A soliloquy.

Tiresome.

That's not how she ended the night. The night was not yet to come for her.

She continued dilly dallying and the playlist kept playing. It's the turn for Kem.

He brought "Inside" to her ears.

"I'm gonna do the best I can. To be your ever after man. I'm living inside your love. Taking it day by day loving you this way. I'm living inside your love. After all this time, I'm giving you a love so fine..."

A careless talk, she thought. There's no such thing as "Ever After Man". Living in hell.

She just revived her sarcastic side she's been burying this long. Not intending to ruin her mood, she distracted her thought counting how many houses with the lights on, figuring out what they're doing tonight inside. Happy? Broken hearted? Disappointed? Soothed?

Teased?

She felt teased by how the universe schemed her life. Then she's really tired.

Enough with the mental trinket. As Kem finished his "Inside", she came inside her house.

Taking off all the clothes she's wearing and hit the bed, crawling inside the warm coverlet.

Calm and smiling. Her mind was healing.

The night was on and she's off.

The story is not even yet to the end when she's dreaming.

Because it's my dream, someday in Santorini.

Holy History

Religion is a part of history about how people live in the past. Just like folklore, only written. Just like what parents pass to children.

Dear God.

I don't ask for your mercy. I realize I deserve no clemency.
When I never asked, you brought me alive and will eventually bring me dead.
So what thing can I ask?

A Letter for Mr. Ashton Kutcher and Mrs. Demi Kutcher (known as Demi Moore)

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With all my respect,

I totally don't know what’s been happening in your marriage. Well, it’s truly none of my business or not even someone’s business somewhere in Bora-Bora or Bau-Bau. The fact is, it’s well spreading through media about Mr. Kutcher has been playing around with some young women while being still married to Mrs. Kutcher. I am so sad and upset. I would even feel sadder and more upset if what the media said was ever true. I know (again) it’s not my business, but as you read before that it’s well-spread! Man, you two are gorgeous. Look at the differences you have, beside of course, different sex and gender. You two have this incredible gap in age. Mr. Kutcher is an Aquarius man and Mrs. Kutcher is a Scorpio woman. As an Aquarius man, Mr Kutcher likes to hanging out with friends, while Mrs. Kutcher, a Scorpio woman, enjoys more in deep private emotional connection. Mrs. Kutcher has different relationship background with Mr. Kutcher. He’d never married anyone before he married Mrs. Kutcher. Along with another kind differences, you two were still sure to finally keep the faith in a marriage. Isn’t that beautiful? Doesn’t it prove that impossible is nothing but a word? Look at what you have done together. The foundation you have to keep the bad things from slavery away. Look how positive you two in working together.

I will not say, in my position as the outsider and never marry anyone, any complaint or suggestion to your marital issue(s). But I’d like to aver as a person who does not believe in marriage, that if you two can keep the marriage by trying to heal both broken hearts (apologizing and forgiving), to make peace with the positive and negative side of one another, to balance out the things between you two and see them as one entity that needs to work together to keep it alive, and try to be thankful for the most beautiful and the most meaningful your life become when you two stay together happily, I’m sure your both decision of having married each other will eradicate the hesitancy of many couples out there who have been on the brink of desperation, to finally just go beyond the differences they have and stay focus more on things that keep them together this far.

I am never in any kind of dating relationship or moreover a marriage, but I believe, there are some couples who have been busy underlining the differences between them, instead of nurturing the things that keep them together. You know what, in the reality they fell apart because of their own nightmare.

Well, as I cited at the first time, I know nothing about your life. I just want to share my thoughts.

Sincerely,

Not Even Your Fan

There Are More Doors to Choose

When I reach the age of 25, I will be so proud of being single and having not socially or legally claimed as being owned by or owning someone. I just cannot perceive the idea. When we can have multiple relationships, why do we need to attach to single person only?

I don't think it's a social burden to have opposite-sex partner in life. When we're born alone and will inevitably die alone, then do we need to live legally with one special person like it is a necessity? I'm not saying I will deny a marriage, (although I don't think it's a decisive way out in faithfulness and trust issue) but truly, I'm not planning to have a marriage or two.
I often declare my celibacy and be proud of it in the name of independence and human rights whatsoever. That somehow doesn't mean I will not change my mind.

Again, I think marriage is just for sex legality and for the social matter. When you have some special emotion toward someone, do you think bring her/him in front of the law is the proof of your feeling?Some people find a wedding ring is some kind of beautiful sign of loyalty, devotion, or other. But funnily, I see it as the stamp or label you usually find on the back of cow and goat, to differ their ownership.

Can laws guarantee that one will stay truthful and faithful to the licit partner?
Can laws guarantee that one will be responsible to the licit family?
Can laws guarantee that boredom will never mingle to the marriage?
Can laws guarantee .... ?

It's one's right and choice to see whether marriage will be the future or not.
It is good to have one life-time sex buddy. It is wise also to tag yourself as "MARRIED" to prevent social issue. But one legal deed will lead to another legal responsibility, like legal children to feed, to nurture, and to educate, and also legal partner to keep the dream family up with.
As I wanted to note is, marriage is not the end of one's love story (except in most of fairy tales). Marriage is not also the only way to love or prove your love. Marriage is one of other ways in presenting the very special sincerity, devotion, and affection to one special person.

The crux is whatever it is, be truthful to yourself.

If a Pig Can Live as a Pig, Why Can't We as Human?

It's undeniable if some opinions from others can sometimes make someone be pessimistic about one's self. Not only becoming pessimistic, but also affecting the next step by being reluctant to take action.
It is a common problem for human.
The morality, the culture, the norms, even the laws per se encourage individuals to think twice before do something. Id, Ego, Superego, that earlier have been cited by Freud in elaborating human behaviour, can be also the answer why those things can affect one's deed.
That is how psychology and sociology see the problem.
In criminology, also known as differential association that postulates if an action is truly emerged from interactions with others. There is a learning process.

But then, can society control the conformity and the order?
Should I act like you?
Should you act like me?
Or else, should we act the same?

If you do something, it's socially normal to have some feedback like compliment or insult, agreement or disagreement. Positive reaction or negative reaction.
But hey, you know what is the best for you. You have lived your own life, so let the decision comes from you. Any perception and opinion will only add harmony to your life. Let them be what they should be.
Everyone has right to give an opinion, but then, don't let anyone's opinion take effect on your side.
We cannot change how the world see us, but we can change how we see the world.
It is on your hand. Your life is always in your hand.