Empathic Distress

Is there any sadder part of being a human than having to google my own feeling? 

Yesterday I was unexpectedly overwhelmed by my friend's breakup story to the point I told him "Now I gotta sleep with a broken heart that is not mine".
However when I woke up, the feeling still lingered like the smell of cigar on your hair after leaving a bar. Any distraction was done only to welcome the unwanted feeling again. It's already strange enough for me to ever have empathy for other people. Usually people who trusted me (it might not go both ways) approached, they cried (possible) - I waited - they told me the stories - I listened - they cried again (possible) - I waited - they asked me what I thought - and me listing down the facts with pros/cons as the recommended solution - left them to choose. It's just the basic drill. No emotion involved. Most of the time, I just did not care (they know this, and that's what they expect from me). But this time, I felt like being sucked into the darkness, the kind of darkness that turned off all the senses yet ignited all the feelings inside. It's undefined, unfamiliar reaction of my body that I had no idea how to deal with. For half the day, I was trying to torture my senses with prolonged physical exercise where I bent my body to the point it was most painful, audio and visual inputs, and other sensing activities just to figure out what was real. Like those people who pinched themselves to know they're not dreaming. I started to question myself whether the feeling was due to sympathetic response or traumatic. As I recalled, I did not have such breakup story, but why did it seem relevant? How could I experience that feeling?

Ok, I just found out the thing I was experiencing is called as empathic distress, which is what possibly happens when one is trying to feel the suffering of other people. Unfortunately, instead of giving the appropriate support, I have this very poor emotional administration which causes me vibrating negative response when people share their suffering to me (as if I were the one suffering). I'm aware that I'm a retard emotionally, because I tend to ignore or even detach my feeling in order to utilize my rational thinking. Ignoring my feeling for a long time, rather than overcoming it, has affected my emotional development. This is the weak part of me I have to work on, because I cannot risk to lose who I am while engaging in social interaction with various people, in any level of intimacy.

To avoid such empathic distress, one solution is to build emotional boundaries. I have to notice when I feel triggered to know whether the feeling is purely mine or adopted. I have to remind myself that when I feel for others, it's not about me. Other than that, the key finding is self-directed neuroplasticity. It suggests that the mind changes the brain to change the mind for the better. Focus on what is good for my well-being, instead of the things that upsets me. While dealing with negative emotion, I have to tell my mind to be more positive and compassionate. It will then strengthen the brain part that relieves the suffering (left prefrontal cortex). As the result after it becomes a habit, I can have empathic concern for other people without having to feel like it's my problem.

Now I have to apologize to that friend for having a moment when it was the time for him to have his own. I guess I did not realize I cared too much that whatever the pain he felt, it became mine. I also was not aware that I've subconsciously had this connection with him which enabled me to experience such empathic response that I had never felt before for other people. It was only unfortunate that due to my underdeveloped emotional handling, I failed to give him the support he needed. Well at least I do not have to google up to know that I feel guilty.

Dear Rmagdn, I beg for your forgiveness for my inability to be the one you needed.
This event made me realize I have a lot of things to learn about interpersonal skill and developing the emotional part of me in a healthier way. Apparently, I forgot my own principle that kindness for others is unconditional. Thus, I should have never thrown you my burnout while you were being honest with me about your struggle. I'm sorry.

-Stardust